About me

It takes forever to actually know yourself. No doubt. People tends to spend the entire life trying to search their identity and sometimes the outcome turns out to be a surprise. As for me, what I recently discovered about myself is that I'm an adapter. I can say I'm a person who adapt very much on almost every type of environment and people. In another word, I go along with the flow when in a group of people. The downside is that I tend to grow into a person's liking over the time. It's like I'm cloning the him or her in myself. Not that I am not being myself, it's just the effort I prefer to spare on people to have further understanding. Even worse, people might thought I actually imitate them. Besides, its either I grow into them or I outgrow them on certain things. Like it or not, it's still me.

Good day. 

Random artwork

I've been turning what comes across my mind into vector graphic these days. Here are the recent two. Visual speaks it all.

Life goes on

The thought of living a quality life just strikes on me lately. Of living an unusual life in an ordinary person. What makes it extraordinary is probably the effort and productivity. You may just wake up in the morning and feeling all grumpy, extremely slack on doing anything, wondering aimlessly. Or waking up with a big smile on the face, with daily routine start running in the head, not forgetting to compartmentalize the emotion.

Not to deny that we constantly strive towards what we believe is good in life, and fantasize the topnotch life which undoubtedly revolve with cash for sure. Often neglect the finest view around us. You may say all of that always comes with a condition: money. How easily it rules us without us realizing. How it becomes issues of our daily lives. To think of it with depth, it is quite contradicting actually with the fact that some said money cannot buy happiness. Well, if there's no money, you can't satisfy your tummy either. Irony indeed.

Back to what I've started, quality life is simply to what extend we willing to give and take.

Good day :D

Screw it!

3:39 a.m.

It seems that I have developed such late-night-post habit.

Or my words just decided to flow better throughout in the middle of the night.

I miss the old times of us. 

Seriously, those moments we make fun of each other. 

I miss how you will stand beside me surprisingly when I watch movie.

I have no idea since when we have barrier between us. The invisible wall just intensively built over the night. Or maybe I shouldn't have let it out at all. It just ruined our friendship indirectly. Look what it has gotten myself into.
I sincerely do not want to lose you as my friend. 

Well well, not to mention, I have the tendency to dream of you when I sleep. 

I wake up feeling even weirder. 

It's not what I can control but I will really love to try on lucid dream* if it keeps happening. 

*A lucid dream is any dream in which one is aware that one is dreaming

A lucid dream can begin in one of two ways. A dream-initiated lucid dream starts as just a normal dream, and the dreamer eventually concludes it is a dream. A wake-initiated lucid dream occurs when the dreamer goes from a normal waking state directly into a dream state, with no apparent lapse in consciousness. The wake-initiated lucid dream "occurs when the sleeper enters REM sleep with unbroken self-awareness directly from the waking state"

Every time I duel with feeling that I cannot resolve, I will always vividly remind myself that I must stand way even stronger. 

Hey, that sounds boring right to stuck with "Oh, I must stand strong, bla bla bla."

Now, where is the creative juice? 

"You stupid little girl!" "How even simple thing you can't handle?" "Screw the goddamn feeling!" "This is just way too much!" "Why are you so concern?" "Why can't you just ditch all the crap pieces of thoughts and start living?" "How stupid you are!" " 大笨蛋!" "Bakka!"

This is what I call the alter ego of mine. 

To be continue.

PS. Just bear with me of the blank white layout. I have it all blank on my wallpaper and phone screen as well. 
I simply don't know what to do with us anymore.

A note for you.

It's 4:54am. 
Here am I, sitting and hitting on keyboard, trying to regain my senses.
Oh wait, let see when is the last time I pen down my thoughts here? 
It's April 2, 2012.
That is like 1 and a half years ago before I pursue my design course.
And yes, I'm currently taking Creative Multimedia in MMU. 
What had driven me to do so? Courage and passion with a little bit of fate.
More like I know I'm not a Science and Mathematic material nor Business and Account. 
So, design it is.

And should I say fate or unlucky to have come across you?
My memory is vivid that I remember the first time I met you. 
The very first time when both of us do not know each other. 
Frankly, the first impression you gave me was you are a person with depth. 
Next, I found myself browsing and reading your blog. 
Too much yet too little as you do not completely expose yourself even in the virtual world. 
Perhaps, it relates to your horoscope, like you always mention. 

As time goes by, sometimes, in the midst of time, I will wonder like how are you? what are you doing? are you taking meals regularly or instant noodle for every single meal?
Every piece of thoughts make me even more confusing. 
I always wander what are the chances? or none at all? 
What is the biggest concern might be our age gap.
Though I'm totally fine with it but I don't think you do.
Sometimes, it hurts when you constantly teasing on those that I've decided to let go and move on. Be it P or S or PS.

I was pissed off irregularly because I do care what revolve around us.
No one will want to stay unnoticed when it comes to feeling.
No one is worth your pain or tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

Anyway, I will stop right here. 

Unexplainable

Never in my life have I fell so deep, hit so hard till I can't get up. Make me shudder, shedding tears whenever it enters my mind, knowing that I've let them down. Often caught myself staring into blank, empty minded. Or even worse, either I have a sudden awake from sleep in the middle of the night or I have a sleepless night. The disturbance it contributed is beyond the words, undescribable. I lost the sense of direction without me realising it. I am completely down.

Yes. That is the impact of it.
To think of it, what's next is far more important than holding on it.
Though the effort went wasted, but lesson learnt.

Well, maybe miracle do happen, only if you believe it.
In the middle of this devastated state, I actually came across with a picture of Him while googling the info for a musical production. The next moment I know is the peaceful feeling that flowing in my heart, such a warm and intense feeling that somehow calm me down.
Maybe you wouldn't believe it but this is exactly what had happen to me.

Good day everyone (=

Take a look.

Just a quick update here.

It turns out I update this blog only once a month. Thanks to my work. I'm so caught up with it. I can truly become a workaholic. Well, have potential at least. The fact that when I start to work, every part of me is so revolve around it. What makes it looks like it's a bad thing is sometimes I don't feel hungry at all during working time. So, chances for me to accidentally skip meal is......zero. Apart from keeping and fulfilling the promises, food is delivered to me on time, all thanks to my sister and the someone (you know who you are... *wink*)

Time really flies without letting you know. It certainly won't stop by and wait for you. Therefore, appreciate every little things, be it a short text or conversation or the time you spend with people you love and care. It's pretty fascinating when you discover pieces by pieces of details every time you make yourself available for them. Sometimes you will even get inspiration from them. *Ting... Ting* The lightbulb shining bright on top of your head and before you realize it, tons of ideas start flowing in your mind :)

Well, sometimes you will find no matter how great the mistakes made by them are, you will still find them amazing.

Last but not least, resolution of the month.

February 2012

• Gratitute

"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough."
-- Oprah Winfrey

Good day!

Smile like you've never smiled before

Hello 2012!

It's another brand new year with fresh new start.
Of course, there's none other than new resolution.
Not that I don't want to list down mine, but I always thought I prefer to go with the flow and let the chips fall where they may.
But then to think about it, such go-with-the-flow attitude only applies to certain situation.
Or worse, it may just shows that I have no goal and do not wish to accomplish anything in this year.

Therefore, instead of Yearly Resolution, I decided to make a Monthly Resolution.

The previous one shall not be forgotten while the new one is constantly make.

Let's begin with...

January 2012

• Smile more. Allow myself to be happy.

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”
― Dr. Seuss

• Be a better me.

“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”

― Nelson Mandela

To be continue in next month...



P.S

Never say goodbye when you still want to try

Never give up when you can still take it

Never say you don't love them when you can't let go

Note: Try to spot the little thing on my blog that I've created.

Hint: It's my favorite and it is BLUE!

Feel free to leave a comment to guess what's that little something =D

Random thought.

I am not good in taking pictures. (except for camwhore). Or should I say I'm not good in capturing the angle and focusing on what I really want? Maybe I just can't get along with camera. I guess this is the reason why my blog is FULL of words instead of pictures. But I do believe that picture speaks thousand of words. Just so you know, in certain times, words too can make an impact far greater than a picture .

A word, be it a good word or a bad word, reflects your personality and attitude. Hence, it influence other's impression on you. The moment you speak, from a casual conversation till a formal interview, every word people taking it into their ears are significant. People tend to make judgement based on what they listen.

Sometimes, I do encounter certain situations where people intentionally or unintentionally let vulgar words slip off their mouth. What makes it worse is that they actually mean it. Frankly, I couldn't tolerate long with such people. Simply because it will hurt one's feeling deeply and probably ruin human relationship.

Back to the first topic, well, I really admire people who can take beautiful shots. They can really just point and shoot and yet the outcome is fabulous. Even it has flaw, they still can use photoshop to alter it. Camera is just another toy they can play with.

Picture or words? Both play their role. Just like how when you miss someone, you look into his or her picture. Or when you love a person, you say "I love you" simple as that :)

Good day everyone.

At the beginning

I was awakened by a phone call from one of my most valuable friend at this very odd hour, 2am, but I thought it was my alarm and I just off it. Now I couldn't get back to sleep. That explains why this update is made.

It's been 5 months since my last update. Simply because of my exam preparation. I can't have much time to blog. Well it sounds more like an excuse than a reason.

Now my exam has came to an end. It marks another beginning of my life, minus the study part. I have a whole free and long 8 months awaiting for me. People kept asking me what will I be doing, how am I going to spend these months of break time. I found my answer is always "I'll be doing stuff that I like."
Of course, travel is on the top of my list. So far, plans have been made, flights have been booked, two overseas destinations are waiting for me. Hopefully the third one is successfully planned too :)
Second is none other than work. I give myself a test to find out whether am I an office based person or not and how well am I coping with it. Besides, I will know my capability in performing the task assigned. It's seems more like a challenge which I'm quite anticipating for.
Next will be my talents that I want to expand and push it beyond the limit. It may takes up some times but it's worth the try. It's my piano skills that I'm talking about. Because after all it's my biggest passion.
Finally is praying very hard. University will absolutely mark a whole new chapter of my life. There's the place where dream is made.
Wish me luck :D

P/S "When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
~Alexander Graham Bell

All time favourite: Harry Potter

Time flies. It has been 10 years since I first lay my eyes on this fantastic piece of magical story. It's all started off with the story being put onto the big screen together with a bunch of actors and actresses, not to forget the directors, producers and the entire crew whom make this magical story comes alive. Since then, I'm absolutely absorbed by the whole storyline.

From Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone up to the Deathly Hallows, they accompany me through my teenager's life. I spent more than half of my teenager's life reading it and the interesting part is never getting bored of re-reading it over and over again. In spite of that, I feel grateful to be part of this. Never have I read such a fascinating story in my entire life. Not to tell, the plot itself drawn me away from whatever I'm in, the suspense urge me to continue reading it everytime without fail and the climax even distract me from concentrating on my daily routine. By reading it make me feel like stepping into another dimension where I let loose of my imagination to run wild and freely.
Frankly, I think J.K Rowling has certainly done a really great job.

For most of the people, this story will come to an end on the 14th of July (the release of HP and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2). But, as for me, this story will be carry on for years. I won't be surprised finding myself telling this story, in replace of 'Sleeping Beauty', 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs' as a bedtime story for my child in the future. After all, this is what the whole wide world share no matter it's in the past, present or future.


Lastly, a quote from my friend, who loves HP just as much as I do,

'your childhood will not be completed without reading Harry Potter'
:D

Be thankful.

My Monday routine will not be completed without having a 2 hours lunch break plus homework marathon at Modern mamak restaurant before I attend tuition class at 4pm. As usual, yesterday I went to the restaurant. This mak cik approached me to take order.

Mak cik: Dik... Nak apa?
Me: Teh o ais, 2 roti kosong...
Few minutes later...
Mak cik: Nah... Sini ada sambal. Makan kenyang kenyang dulu ya baru belajar.

At that moment, such a warm feeling flowed in my heart. This eventually boosted my energy to deal with my homework later on.

Yes. A simple action can touch people's heart. A meaningful word can even change a person's life. You do not need to have a pocketful of cash, earn a 5 or 6 figures salary, drive a Mercedes Benz, stay in a penthouse, all you need is to show a little concern sincerely. Even a smile brightens up one's day, a joke makes people laugh out loud and forget their sadness, a short text motivates oneself to live a better life, a simple 'how are you?' let others feel they too, matter to you, a 'thank you' in return will make you feel you're appreciated.
Treat each and every individual with an open heart because every single person is unique in their own way. No matter how they look like, whether is fat or thin, tall or short, ugly (bear in mind. No one is ugly, it's how you look at them) or pretty, and how they behave, as long as they don't harm you, they always deserve to be treated well. Put yourself in their shoes sometimes and look things from their view, you'll realize how this will broaden your vision and expand your thinking to let you see beyond the obvious, see the unseen.

Good day everyone. :D

There's always a better tomorrow.

This particular piece of article caught my eye this morning when I was about to take my breakfast. It's about how the father of Alviss Kong (the boy who commit suicide last year) attempt to motivate others not to follow his son's footstep through his counselling centres with zero-profit. But his intention actually gains negative comments and criticism from the society. I think he must have too much stress and excessive pressures plus he's physically weak, these eventually lead to his death.

For a moment, I was stunt and starring at the paper, speechless. It's totally not fair with the society treating him like that. What? Just because he's trying to help others to take the right path after the whole incident?
He's brave enough to even stand up and try to put a stop on young people nowadays who want to end their life in anyway.
Well, if you notice, commit suicide cases are far beyond our control. The worst thing is it's increasing like no one's business. But, commit suicide is certainly not the ultimate way to solve the problem. IN FACT, THIS IS THE STUPIDEST WAY EVER!

I don't deny that I have such thoughts flashed through my mind once. That particular thoughts just run wild in my mind while I was holding a knife cutting fruits because I was having some conflicts that time. I must say IT'S HORRIBLE!
This is the reason why I intend to reach out to people around me now who are feeling down and facing great difficulties, and try to lend a helping hand within my capabilities so that they won't feel like 'oh, it's the end of the world!'
After all, we don't want to see a second Alviss Kong right?

The reader.

Now if you see the tons of books I have stacked up piles by piles, that clearly explain how much I love to read. (The only thing I need to worry is the books might collapse anytime.) It's the passion that's cultivated by my sister since young. The only place we always asked permission to head to whenever our parents go to the shopping mall is bookstore. It becomes a norm for us eventually.
I enjoy reading simply because it does not require you to do talking. Not that I don't like to socialize, it's mainly because it's just not me. To me, it's more like an individual activity where I can spare my own time peacefully with only the book. And I can read just anywhere and anytime I want. Therefore, I really do not understand how could Malaysian only read average 2 pages a year?
Well, 'no time' is often the excuse people come out with.
Just think about it, if you can multi-task a little, like read the book while blowing dry the hair or while waiting for someone to fetch you, then I'm sure you can finish a book in no time.
As for me, I have this very unhealthy habit of reading, which is eating while reading. People always say it's not good for digestion, this and that, but I just can't help with it. Frankly, I'm pretty much enjoy doing that way, especially when I'm having meal alone, the book really come in handy.

Bring it on...

I still remember how I used to give up very easily despite the things I've already carried halfway or haven't even start. From drawing class to Sunday dhamma class, not to mention swimming class and all sorts of talent class, I gave up halfway through when I was young. Frankly, it's really a waste because in the end, I've learnt only half or even worse, nothing. By giving up, that means you're actually waving a white flag and surrender not to others, but to yourself.
To be honest, as time goes by, I did regret everytime when I look back things I've carried on halfway lay forgotten just like that. Perhaps it's part of my weakness.

Well, until this few recent years, things started to change maybe because I've grown up and able to think wisely and see things differently.
Just then, I take the initiative to take up piano lesson. This is by far, the biggest challenge I've taken up.
Yeah. To be able to play piano like how any other pianist did is always my biggest dream and passion. It's hard in the beginning with no piano at home. I need to workout myself on how to realize it. Thanks to my previous piano teacher who lend keyboard for me so willingly.
Thanks Wee Kuan for being such a great teacher.
Not to forget, a huge thank you to my dad, I own a keyboard now. Although it's not as good as a piano, but atleast I've something to learn.
Besides, there's this person whom inspired me the most with his do-not-give-up attitude and also a music lover, thanks Leo :)

So if you have something you want to do, do not afraid to step out. You won't know where it will lead you to.

Quote of the day:
Take the first step in faith. You
don't have to see the whole
staircase, just take the first step
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

One word: Change

Whenever my sister starts to tell this particular story, let alone to my friends or her friends, it always make me think how far I've gone through and make a tremendous change to myself.

Well, this matter happened 5 years ago. And suprisingly it is always fresh in her mind. It goes like this, there's this Dhamma Youth Camp I've joined ever since I was Form 1 as a participant. The second year, I immediately applied to become the committee. Apart from preparing for the year end camp, we have retreat camp for just the committees every year. The first year I joined the retreat camp, one of the activity actually required us to stand in front of all and do public speaking for 5 minutes. That eventually freaked me out because I've never ever do that before back then. I would rather prefer to sit in a corner and do my own stuff. In other words, I'm practically anti-social. So, when it's my turn, I just remain sitting and next moment I know was I broke down. Yes, that's very me back then when I couldn't handle a situation or felt tense, tears would start wetting my face in mere seconds. Seriously, it's really embarrassing. At the end, I managed to talk bit by bit and finished the task in less than 5 minutes.
This story is often told before saying that how much I've actually changed in this 6 years after I joined the camp.

I would say it's the situation which trigger my changes, whereby when you've no choice but to held your head and tell yourself 'Yes, this is it. Just do it'
that's also why I join the committee. It's totally not because of fun but to learn to be better. I'm trained indirectly from a person who don't even dare to stand facing the crowd to a person who can speak spontaneously to the public now. I always wander how the 6 years have changed me out of nowhere. But frankly, I'm quite proud of the evolution. And self-realization and self-improvement as well as self-confidence definitely play the role in life.

Endless thinking

A few thoughts that running in my mind right now. And they sort of bothering me a little

#1
My academic performance isn't on the satisfactory level and doesn't meet my expectation yet. That is why I'm currently keeping up my hardwork and coping with tension and pressure as well as putting the extra effort into the studies.

#2
I've no idea how to constantly keep up my self-confidence as I have a very low one. It's essential though so that I can perform my task better but I'm always faking it than having the true confident in myself.

#3
I have an unhealthy way of taking my meals in terms of the timing especially during school time. Skipping meal is often what I do whenever I'm too busy with my workload or school activities. I guess that explain why I'm feeling so exhausted and sleepy all the time.

#4
I'm wandering why am I doing in Science stream while I'm more towards the Arts? I know this can't be changed right now and I just have to bear with it.

#5
My perfectionist behaviour always take me a longer time to achieve assigned task. I tend to spend longer time just to have all the details perfectly done. It's even worse when I intend to re do the whole thing just because it's not perfect. Is it a bad thing?

Positive attitude and stay focusing is all I need right now. Hmmm...
Gotta get things organised rather than having those unnecessary worries.

Gambateh, Shin L!

Story of us

I spent the Sunday morning watching ''Ice Kacang Puppy Love" (初恋红豆冰) featuring Ah Niu and Lee Sin-Jie. Well, I would say it's a nice movie with simple storyline. I like how the director use old settings to film the scene which dated back probably 1970s or 80s. It is nostalgic with kids playing with 'guli' and fighting fish, writting letter to make confessions and how they grow up together.

Well, the movie sort of bring back the memory I have with him. He is my neighbour who lives just two houses away. We came to know each other since we're very young, about 7 or 8 years old, but he is older than me a year. I still remember how his mum always liked to compared his height with mine and start teasing him that he will be shorter than me if he didn't want to eat vegetables.
We spent most of our childhood playing badminton and cycling. Whenever there's a school holidays, he'll be my badminton coach training me to play better with two other neighbours. When we're bored, we like to go cycling in the neighbourhood. From the small bicycle till the mountain bike, it seems like growing with us. One of my vivid memory was the bike racing. We used to race and compete to see who reach the end point first.
There was once I cycled too fast and when I'm about to turn into the alley, I fell into the drain together with my bike. The next moment I knew was he was helping me to clean my wound on my knee.
He always called me 'Ah Ling... Ah Ling...' till one day he went like 'What's your name exactly? Is it Wang Xing Ling? Then you definitely know how to dance 'Ai Ni'. I rolled my eyes ignored him.

Just when mobile phone became a norm, we sometimes chatted over the phone. One fine day, I received a confession text from him. But I replied 'Crazy ar you!' Since then we seldom talk nor meet up.
As time went by, all the memories were laid behind and forgotten while we moved on. Occasionally, we will nod and smile if I pass by his house.

Life for now

Being a Pre-university (formerly known as Form 6) student is definitely not easy.
With the STPM itself claimed that its the second toughest examination, fullest commitment and effort is a must in order to pass with flying colours. Well, here is my standing ground right now. Nothing can change that. And yes it is extraordinary challenging especially I'm based in Science stream, which deals with Chemistry, Biology, Mathematics T, etc.
Everyday besides 7am to 2pm of schooling and co-curriculum activities after school, there are tuition classes and also extra classes by school teachers to attend. At night, tons of homeworks and revisions are waiting for me. Thats pretty much sum up my daily schedule. The entire purpose is to be able to get myself a place in University.

Yeah. That's my life for now. It's not dull yet I would say it's part of the growing up process :)

Bloging my way

It has been a very long time since my very last post which is "Under Construction"
Fellow readers, I'm back once again :) My apology to have this blog ignored for so long. Now if you notice all my previous blog posts have been wiped off. I intend to start all over again although the deleted blog posts bring so much memories for me. Well, what trigger me to blog after taking long break is my passion for bloging haven't fade yet after so long.
So here I am to continue bloging about my daily thoughts and life or even secrets that I've never told before.
Stay tuned and enjoy reading :)